 |
Written
by Dallen "Paki" Stanford |
OXY TIGERS 25 vs OLD AZTECS 20
January 15 2005
“We love the girls they say they will.
We love the girls that say they won’t. But oh my,
how we hate the girls that say they do, then they don’t”
– Martin Luther King.
The 2005 season started off like an old episode
of Married with Children. First rain stopped play last week,
then several players pulled hamstrings during the week,
and then when the game finally arrived the boys were unable
to score the points.
Only because of the high standards set by
the world media and ourselves did the victory not feel as
good as it should have. The Aztec players were indeed very
lucky we didn’t start the fire…
Highlight-of-the-Day was a superb bit of running
‘off the ball’ by some adoring female fans as
they gracefully glided past the field in their birthday
suits. Unbelievable. This arguably provided the spark for
the Tiger pack as they ate their opposition like a Jack
in the Box number 3 meal. Every single scrum was an Oxy
delight. The Aztec forwards were crushed to the ground on
several occasions – Dodge Ram Demo, Eric the Viking
and P(h)at Guthrie providing the rock solid platform.
The backline were spoilt for possession in
the first half, but started off like a rusty gate. Paki
(King Carlos) enjoyed the biggest meltdown on tour as he
butchered a 3 on 1 that even his gran could have put under
the sticks. Jake Slinker put his hand up (or should have)
knocking on with an open tryline with Frank the Tank (Obone)
unable to score a certain try mistaking the rugby ball for
a jam donut.
But by crickey by jingo’s when the A
team concentrated enough they scored some scintillating
tries. The new Marius Joubert (Scud) returning from a massive
knee injury – and a poison tour to Cape Town –
was the pick of the backline. Not only did the Armenian
flank score a rip snorter of a try but off-loaded like a
true centre sending the Slink ovvvvvva. The Paki at number
10 pulled some Ricky Martin dance moves to seal the match
with a 5 pointer but try of the day belonged to Thys ‘Blue
Bulls’ Wallace. The magic man DO – rumoured
to have slept in his car – threw a quick lineout to
the Slink who carved up the opposition. DO ran in support
then kicked a Hail Mary grubber for Thys to dive on to score.
Try time!! You can’t teach class. Perhaps DO should
drink a bottle of Captain Morgan before every game…
Meat lead the pack by example – Mr Miagi
(Speers) was everywhere – Worm linked well –
Ruggered loved halftime - Merlin the magician produced some
brilliant pick-and-goes – JW stole lineout ball all
day long – Theo kicked a conversion – with Moi
making some bone crunching tackles as did Thys.
We’ll take the W and run.
It was indeed sensational to start the season – with
lots of good things still to come from the team. Thanks
to all the supporters, with special thanks to the College
players that turned out for the squad and played for Tsunami.
Play-of-the-Day belonged to JW who threw a dummy that even
Bill Gates would have bought as he ghosted over to score.
Keep the change.
POST MATCH
The post match function was a lively affair
as expected. Bar Meat – who went to watch movies with
his girlfriend – the Oxy Tigers were out in full force.
Free drinks going down like Warmbacks haircut. Big Red (Justin
Eilman) joined the fray, with Nick Salmon showing his face
after he ‘landed on a grenade’ at the New Years
Rosebowl party. Yes she was TERRIBLE. Rather cut my arm
in half.
Shouts of HULA HU LA LA echoed in the bar as the festivities
started to lose shape. An ‘attempted’ boat race
organized by Paki signaled the return to Oxy. Scud pulled
a 40 pack of beer out of nowhere as Demo took the keys from
T-Total Hilt Warmback. What followed was total mayhem as
beer cans were crushed like eggs with the famous Greenman
CD blasting all the way home.
Several Tigers managed to make it to the Challet
– where the real drinking started. The last thing
anyone remembers was Paki getting pulled to the bar by some
angel who proceeded to give him a Russian shooter: the angel
buys one shot of alcohol and scores the Paki giving him
the shot in a kiss. Take the points.
Battlefield encounter ends at the Hilt’s
house with the boys turning on the movie Old School. Who
would have thought that highlight-of-the-day would have
occurred at 4am…
“We’re going streaking” shouted Frank
the Tank.
Priceless.
